When people ask me what I do, I often answer the question, “I teach people in companies how to play in the sandbox together so they get results.” The response is always laughter and countless stories shared of how people from their workplace are either playing “too nice” in the sandbox and avoiding the accountability needed for performance; or how people are competing with each other in the sandbox for the limited resources and then finally getting frustrated and “kicking up sand” in each other’s face. The sandbox analogy seems to give a great word picture for what is not working. What they are missing are examples of what the sandbox looks like when everyone works together to build something great.
How we play in the sandbox determines our growth. If we communicate with fight and flight tendencies of relating, we will not get the creative solutions needed to grow that are obtained with a collaborative relating style of communication. Girls were directed to “play nice in the sandbox,” giving them a tendency to flee when conflict appears; while boys were taught to compete to win and not cry if they were scared or it hurt.
Deborah Tannen, gender communication research expert and author of “You Just Don’t Understand,” says, “We cannot lump all men or all women into fixed categories. But the seemingly senseless misunderstandings that haunt our relationships can, in part, be explained by the different conversational rules by which men and women play. Men grow up in a world in which a conversation is often a contest, either to achieve the upper hand or to prevent other people from pushing them around. For women, however, talking is often a way to exchange confirmation and support.” In my opinion and observation, neither style produces extraordinary results.
Being raised by a father who did not reinforce the gender differences between my 6’4” brother and me gave me a unique experience that is likely the reason I am comfortable playing in the sandbox with executives and business owners. When I work with men who compete with my ideas and “kick sand in my face,” I still expect to be heard, so I am able to wipe the sand out of my eyes, regain my vision, keep my presence in the sandbox, re-state where we disagree, and lead us to focus on a resolution. This type of collaboration is different than the knee jerk reaction of most people who would either try to make nice by building them a castle when they did that, kick the sand back at them in hopes to shut them down, or take their shovel and pail and get the heck out of the box out of sheer defeat.
After 25 years of consulting with companies and their employees to lead, engage, collaborate, and recognize performance to increase growth, I have put my process into the five-step Strategic Sandbox Solutions. Missing any one of these steps will keep you from growth and building the job/business and relationships (sandbox) you want. Let’s see how you and your company do at each step.
Five-step Strategic Sandbox Solutions:
- Have you uncovered the type of sandbox you want, why you are building it and who you want in it? Being clear is the first step in creating the sandbox you want. If you are not clear, it will be easy for you to get caught up in someone else’s vision. For example, second generation business owners often have difficulty with this step, trying hard to run the business as Dad did. In order to be successful, they need to create their own sandbox, including having their own vision for the company and choosing their own key players.
- What are your rules for engagement? Have you outlined your vision, mission, values, goals and roles for your sandbox? If you have not, you will be more apt to flounder in direction while wasting time and energy. For example, a sales manager needs to be included in the strategic planning process of the company in order to lead his team to success. If he is not part of creating the agreed upon outcome, direction and key programs to reach the goal, his attempt at accommodating management will only lead to sub-par performance.
- Do you have the tools you need to be empowered, including the skills required for performance? If you do not have them, what are you doing to get them? Leaving the sandbox because you do not have what you need is never a good move. Rather, get creative and figure it out. For example, one of my clients was the COO of his company and knew the CEO was leaving in a few years. He wanted the job so he asked to be evaluated to see what it would take to get the CEO position. During the two years the company was interviewing candidates, my client went back for his MBA and completed my executive coaching program to improve his collaboration skills. He kept focused on what he wanted and acquired all the skills he needed for this position. Ultimately, the company chose him as the new CEO, his hard work paid off and the skills he developed made him a better CEO!
- Do you collaborate in the sandbox to give everyone a voice and clarity on who will do what by when so they feel a sense of value, too? Once you are clear and empowered in getting what you want, the key is to be open to what others want without going to the extreme of accommodating or compromising. A McKinsey Study and Gallup Poll both indicate that the best way to reduce turnover and increase performance is to give your employees a voice so they feel heard. Engaging others in our vision and dreams in a manner in which they can find meaning is the best way to accomplish our goals. If we don’t, we will be sitting in the sandbox by ourselves!
- To ensure everyone is working to their full potential, recognize others for their contributions rather than hogging all the praise for yourself. Are you finding creative ways to work with limited resources and share “toys,” as well as sharing ideas by asking, “How might we create something great within the resources we have?” Remember, there is more than one way to build a castle. The more you allow others to get their hands in the sand and help you build what you want, the more buy-in and staying power you will get in return. Recognizing people means we understand what Steve Jobs said, “My model for business is The Beatles. They were four guys who kept each other’s kind of negative tendencies in check. They balanced each other, and the total was greater than the sum of the parts. That’s how I see business: Great things in business are never done by one person. They’re done by a team of people.”
Challenge: Which of the five steps do you need to work on in your sandbox? Make a plan for your own professional growth.
Susan K. Wehrley has been helping executives and businesses grow for 25 years. She is the president of Susan K. Wehrley & Associates, Inc., founder and CEO of BIZremedies and the author of five personal empowerment books. She can be reached at susan@solutionsbysusan.com or 414-581-0449.
